[dmacfour]

Well, the situation is getting almost unbearable for me. Over break she texted me a lot saying how much she missed me and other stuff. We got back on Sunday, and ate breakfast together. Monday, we spend nearly the entire day together. We went running in the morning. We walked around town for a couple of hours, sitting by a secluded stream, sitting together on baseball bleachers talking about life. It seemed perfectly romantic, other than her bringing up her ex at one point. The next night, she came over and watched the movie Perfume: The Story of a Murderer with me. At one point, she made a jerking movement as if she was going to reach for my hand, but then she pulled back as if she suddenly changed her mind.

Speaking of her mind, I have no idea what's going through it. This semester she's dated random guys she doesn't like that much, stringing them along and then not do anything with them. She tells me she can't get over her ex, even though he already has a new GF. She's still into her crush, even though he friendzoned her. All of her and my friends are scratching their heads right now. They can't understand why she doesn't just date me; it's the classic, "perfect guy right in front of you, but you won't (for whatever reason)" situation. Everyone tells me that we would be amazing together, that we have perfect chemistry, etc., and that just makes me depressed. I can't go after other girls without thinking of her. When she talks about other guys it's like someone stabbing me in the chest.

I've been down all day thinking about it. It's come to the point where I need to be completely blunt with her. Either we stop playing games, or I stop being around her until I can get over her. I don't know if I can be around her as a just a friend without getting down on myself. But even then, we have very similar schedules, and the same group of friends, so I couldn't just escape. It's painful to say, but I don't think I've been this into a girl before. It made think ten times worse after I told her I like her; she just gave me a bunch of BS vague answers that confuse me (like telling me I'm not in the friendzone). Also, I don't think she knows how much I like her; for all she knows, I just have a crush on her.


I can't stop dwelling on it.