Value by Tyler Durden

[Ian Smith]

Social Robots

by Style

Have you ever noticed that there's something strange about a lot of sargers? It's as if you look at a guy, and you can just TELL that something is missing.

And some of these guys even do amazing in the field. They get great reactions most of the time, and sometimes even #s and !s. But, at the same time, they NEVER seem to have a girlfriend.

Most of the guys I know are like this. And there are a few reasons why: First, it goes back to one of my cardinal rules: The best way to sarge is to have something BETTER to do than to sarge. Some guys give up everything -- school, work, even GFs -- to learn to sarge better. But all these things ALLOW you to sarge better, because they make you a more COMPLETE person.

A problem I've noticed amongst some of the most dedicated posters here, especially those who got into ASF in their teens or early 20s,, is that they have INVENTED themselves through this theory. They are, to some degree, SOCIAL ROBOTS. And, after a great 20 minute set, it begins to show through to an HB that you don't have anything MORE going for you. The other problem with being a social robot is that you start to thing that everyone else around you is one too, and begin to read TOO MUCH into their actions.

Here's another thing Social Robots do: They treat Women completely differently than they treat Men. If they are around women, even at a lunch for work, they feel a stange shot of adrenaline and feel as if they have to sarge. Interactions with women are no longer normal; they become special occasions to feel a sense of self-worth. Your self-esteem is contantly at the mercy of the reactions of women.

Social robots also stop seeing value in things that are non-PU related, such as books and movies and even friends that they can't learn about PU from.

So, what I'm trying to say in short is that ASF and the PU lifestyle can give you SO much -- I know it's given me so much -- but it can take away a lot too. You can end up becoming just a one-dimensional person, a social robot.

The solution is to put your life back into balance; spend just an hour a day reading ASF/PU-related material; spend just three nights or afternoons a week sarging or hanging out with PUAs. Alternate PUA reading with good literature. Make it a HOBBY. And focus a greater share of your efforts on the job/achievements/success you want in life. If you can make something of yourself, the HBs will come and what you've learned here will prepare you to deal with them.

There's a book on cold-reading that basically breaks down all problems to Health, Wealth and Relationships. And each have an Internal and External component. (This btw is the book where Mystery got his theory on this from.) And you need to start DIVIDING your attention between ALL of these to be successful in any single one.

A lot of guys always ask how I got good so quickly. And I think that in addition to all the awesome things (like Mystery's workshop) that changed my life, I was well-rounded and interested in people to start with. So when I ran out of routines, I could still be INTERESTING and INTERESTED. Those two words in caps right there are, I think, the special sauce that can prevent a lot of flaking that guys here seem to get.

Style

[Ian Smith]

Light and Dark

by Style

The community is a forking path. And it can lead you into the light or the darkness. The choice is yours.

Whenever I discuss the community with outsiders, the same questions always come up. And there is no clear-cut answer for them. A lot of people want to pass judgement on us for being here, if they know about it. But I know for sure that it's made me a MUCH better person. When people see videos or photos of me prior to this, they can't even believe it's the same guy.

But there are also people I've met who were really cool guys when they entered the community. And now they are completely passionless social robots (and I've posted about that already in the past).

So the way I see it now is that the community is a forking path. And it can lead you into the light or the darkness. The choice is yours.

The light is a place where you are at your best all the time. It is where you finally find yourself and bring out all the personality and spark and confidence and charm and humor and talent that only your mother ever knew you had before. It is where all the schools of seduction and routines are just training wheels on the journey to self-realization. (Whoah, this is sounding more new-agey than I intended.) But it's true: women are EXTREMELY attracted to guys when they do something -- even a small gesture -- that is totally original and pure and unselfconscious, and at the same time lovable. So if the community is bringing you out of your shell, improving your social skills in all areas of your life, making you move through the world more confidently, making you the master of your reality, improving your physical appearance, widening your circle of friends, acquaintances, and women, -- and ultimately making you a happier person -- then you are in the light.

The dark is a place where you lose yourself. It's where you slavishly imitate and model other people. It's where somewhere deep inside you hate yourself and don't believe that people will like you if you reveal your true self. It's where you start hurting or deceiving people -- men, women, whatever. It's where you look at yourself in the mirror and see Tyler Durden, Mystery, Style, or Badboy staring back at you. It's where you lose touch with your friends and family, and only hang out with sargers. And the only reason you pull women is so that you can win the respect of other sargers. It's where you make learning pickup the number one priority in your life, and neglect the things that will lead to a real career. It's where you look at the world through dead eyes because you've lost your soul.

Step back for a moment, and look at your experiences in the community. Make sure that you are on the right path. If not, separate yourself from your community friends, enjoy some non-sarging-related activities or take a road trip to the beach, and then return re-invigorated and ready to begin the vigorous course of all-round self-improvement that we're here for.

Hope this helps, and isn't too obvious...

Style

[BobTheDestroyer]

"Interactions with women are no longer normal; they become special occasions to feel a sense of self-worth. Your self-esteem is contantly at the mercy of the reactions of women."


That definately sounds like me (now former me). GREAT POST

[Nick Krygier]

Originally Posted by BobTheDestroyer

That definately sounds like me (now former me). GREAT POST

I like that.
Its great how as the rabbit hole gets deeper and deeper, we are constantly having tiny glimpes of light showing us things about ourselves that we were unaware of that need to be changed.

GL keeping it the former you though!
change is tough sometimes

[Ian Smith]

Value

by Tyler Durden

We don't only want entrance, but we want it free and we want to be bumped to the front of the line.

There exists many social SUB COMMUNICATIONS that convey social value.

-breaking rapport
-neutral to rapport
-trying to gain rapport

This goes on in social interactions all day long. Notice that the "coolest" people in the club venue are trying to break rapport with everyone. (They even
wear sunglasses in a dark club, to convey that they are too cool and don't want to make eye contact with anyone).

They roll in with their Cadillac SUV, hot chicks in tow, and don't talk to anyone in the whole club except maybe the people similar to them. YET, if they were to approach YOU or YOUR GROUP in the club, you'd chat THEM, despite that they'd blow you off.

You'd chat them because they have high social value in that specific venue. People are DRAWN to interact with people of value, even if they're not attracted. If Bill Gates wanted to chat, would I? Yes. Even if it was about nothing that helped me whatsoever, I'd just do it for some reason.

What Style is talking about here (which is a related to stuff I've discussed extensively on the Mystery Lounge), is that value re-adjustments may be necessary PRIOR to gaming.

Gaming = emotionally arousing (pumping her through states in a way that keeps her happy, aka C&F, and many other ways)

A girl can still CUT OFF who she allows to emotionally arouse her.

VALUE / ATTRACTION are DISTINCT.

Value is a FILTER to see if the girl will ALLOW you to attract her.

Think to the REVERSE.

Girls are aroused EMOTIONALLY (they purchase romance novels that are descriptive).

Guys are aroused mostly VISUALLY and PHYSICALLY (they purchase porno and lapances).

A fat girl approaches me, and starts touching me. She is arousing me because she is touching my legs with her hands. She is breathing on me. I'm feeling myself getting hard.

Immediately I push her away from me, and CUT OFF what she is doing. Do I do this because I am INCAPABLE of deriving some pleasure from fucking her?

No.

Men fucked fat chicks for years, back when they were socially desirable (IOW: HAD VALUE). There's no biological reason for me not fucking her. It's just social.

Similarly, girls emotionally cut off men from gaming them. They won't even acknowledge that you exist, or if they do, what you're saying is just cute or entertaining.

Again, they are of high social value, and thus exhibit this by breaking rapport with people (both through verbal communications "why are you asking me this.. go away", and non-verbal sub communications like turning away from you, not matching your facial expressions or excitement levels, not being responsive to your presence, etc)

Value is established by:
-OUTER APPEARANCE (genetics, grooming, and clothing sub communications)
-SOCIAL PROOF (both your entourage, the level to which the surrounding women are appearing to be unlocked to you (which is made obvious by things they sub communicate as you are in the area, and girls pickup on this), and the level to which people treat you (ie: are they breaking rapport with you, being neutral to it, or trying to gain it)
-ATTITUDE (body languages and tonalities that you convey, by the words that you say and the way that you say it, and by the people who you interact with in a particular order and the way you interact with them)


So with girls, you can open with a NEUTRAL OPINION OPENER, and this is NOT ENOUGH.

Hence Style's "Neg First" post.

This was derived from "JAP Busting I & II"

You must break rapport, perhaps several times, prior to gaming. Girls will not ALLOW themselves to become emotionally heated (aka; for their buying temperature to increase) for someone who does not pass through their filter of VALUE.

So what does that amount to in practical terms? Here's an example:


TD: Hey guys, I need a female opinion.. Do girls think that the rockstar David Bowie is hot?
HBS: I dunno..
TD: Hey, you're cool.. You guys are smart.. You're from Long Island, I can tell..
HBS: Hey, we're not from there..
TD: Yeah OK.. ummm BYE (turns back)
HBS: WTF?
TD: hahaa.. OK remain calm.. My friends little sister gets this poster of David Bowie on her wall. That is an OLD MAN.. Do you guys like OLD MEN?!?!
HBS: Why are you asking us this?
TD: (looks at wingman like they are RETARDED and mumbles).... I'm talking. (turns back HARD, engages other set)
HBS: What a jerk blah blah..
TD: (turns around) hahhhaa, are you guys still talking about me?? haahhaa. (turns back)
HBS: No, we're just saying blah blah
TD: (now commencing NORMAL game) You guys are so cute.. You know, I'm going to adopt you guys, you guys will be my new little sisters..


This is a VALUE ADJUSTMENT. Neg first. (I'd also game a high value set differently, but that's another story.. I'd use the same stuff, but at a different rate, direct it at different people, and also alot less of it)

You do the SAME with UG THEORY. Try to gain rapport with them first.

Value calibrations imply rapidly ascertaining what their perceived social value is, and matching it.

Girls are typically only inclined to allow themselves to be gamed with someone of similar value.

There are exceptions however.

TRUST
ATTRACTION
VALUE

These three things are SUB COMMUNICATED at all times.

Some girls want guys with high value ONLY (NYC JAPs are like this, ChickJunkie's 10$ Opener is good for girls like this, although an NYC JAP would probably pull out her attack whistle if you tried it on them)

Some girls value TRUST, which is sub communicated through many things. Like when you see guys who are out with their girlfriends, and NEVER turn to face them. The girls always have to do the initiating. Some guys telegraph this, and it telegraphs trust. This is why similar to girls who just want high value guys (like NYC Jewish American Princesses), some girls want to fuck gay guys and convert them. Queers sub communicate feelings of trust so strong that some girls fall in love with them instantly. Weird - ask 10 girls and 2 or 3 will answer you this.

Some girls value ATTRACTION. These girls want the construction worker or bad-boy or the prejudicial racist stereotype of black guys.

There are also piles of PROFILES for this that you can spot, and piles of sub communications that you can learn (think "AMOG TACTICS" post - what do the out-alpha tactics sub communicate, beyond their surface verbal level?)

AN EXAMPLE OF VALUE:

Sickboy007 and I want entrance into an exclusive club. We don't only want entrance, but we want it free and we want to be bumped to the front of the line.

We do this all the time - I sit back and pretend to be a celebrity. I say nothing, acknowledge nobody, and act aloof. Sickboy007 is my manager.

Sickboy007: Hey, we're heading up to VIP.
BOUNCER: Are you on the guest list?
Sickboy007: You guys treat us really good here. Actually, we're going to need to bring in our friends tomorrow, and we need it Saturday as well.
BOUNCER: Are you guys celebrities? Who are you guys?
Sickboy007: (pauses)
BOUNCER: Hello?
Sickboy007: Yeah, umm we'll definitely need that Saturday. I like you guys, you guys treat us good.
BOUNCER: OK bring in you and your friend. Talk to the manager about Saturday and Sunday, I don't do that stuff.

TD & Sickboy007 skip the line, free cover, admitted to VIP.

Look at the sub communications. He didn't answer the bouncer's questions directly. He barely looked the guy in the eyes. He didn't shift his body towards him. He didn't show any nervousness or regard for the bouncer's physical presence. He didn't even answer the questions with anything COHERENT.

The bouncer is TRAINED to pick up on this behavior, and admit high value guests.

I'm not sure if this makes sense, but this is the behavior we use in the pickup of high value girls.

Tyler Durden

[Ian Smith]

State Control

by Tyler Durden


To my mind, this is really important shit.

OK I'm lying in bed with insomnia, and I'm realizing something.


I hope this makes sense cause I'm not thinking straight, but it seems to make sense right now in my head..

QUESTION: Have you ever ran a sarge, gotten a good initial reaction, and ejected before it could go bad? Why do we do this? Are we so wanting to stay in the good mood that we established by getting a decent initial reaction from the chick, that we'd sacrifice a possible lay just to take the SURE THING that we'll stay in a good mood? Are we really like that? ANSWER: I think that psychologically, we all cope by building a self-image for ourselves.

Teenagers will turn goth, or prep, or find cliques, or get really into a pro sports team, or get really into a certain type of music, or get involved with drugs.

We did this stuff because we struggled to find our own IDENTITY.

As we get older, we find our own identity and its typically more sophisticated than when we were younger, but its still how we GET BY psychologically (so I suppose its no better, but just further developed.. still, it gives us the illusion of superiority, which is really good enough anyway, but I'm digressing)

NOBODY likes to think of themselves as "bad with women", because we NEED to feel desirable as a FUNDAMENTAL part of our self-identity.

To feel undesirable sexually would imply MANY MANY BAD THINGS about ourselves, including bad genetics, bad personality, bad social intelligence, and many BAD BAD THINGS.

This is why when you tell guys about ASF, they freak out and get all pissy. Because to imply that they would need HELP with their desirability is to imply MANY bad things about them.

That's why guys who you can be cool to talk about practically ANYTHING with (perfectly cool guys when it comes to ANY other topic than ASF) can't take it when you say "hey man check out ASF"

***NOW KEY HERE is that the main problem with STATE CONTROL is that when we approach a woman, our fear is MASSIVELY ILLOGICAL.

In fact, fear is built to prevent us from being HURT. But IRONICALLY our FEAR of approaching women actually HURTS US, while ACTUALLY approaching HELPS US.

But yet, we feel fear.

THE REASON THAT WE FEEL FEAR IS THAT IT IS OUR WAY OF PSYCHOLOGICALLY PREVENTING OURSELVES FROM HAVING A SELF-IMAGE CRASH.

Our ego can't stand the punishment.

We have a self-image that we've developed, and it sure doesn't include being a guy who women SNUB.


Same reason that guys on here who don't really sarge but still have been on ASF for a while and have good knowledge will get all pissy at the guys who really sarge. They've developed a SELF IMAGE that they are good with women, which they FOSTER and NURTURE through this internet chat board by spreading good KNOWLEDGE, despite their own lack of EXPERIENCE. So when guys question them or post something that contrasts their theoretical knowledge, they get all pissed off and grumpy and whiny, because what they are reading is DISTURBING the internet-based system that makes them feel good with women, and therefore about themselves.

**But back to the main point, IMO a big key to state-control is RECOGNITION of fact that our fear is based on the threat to our SELF IMAGE (or ego).

Then, in RECOGNITION of this phenomenon, we have to RE-ASSESS our self-image NOT to include our desirability to women.

Why?

Because we realize that practically NO guys, even GOOD LOOKING, are actually able to pickup random women on a consistent basis, in the way that we're learning to do here.

And in recognition of this REALITY about the world, we can ACCEPT that practically NOBODY is good with women, and FREE OURSELVES to do mass approaches and learn the skill set.

We have to see things AS THEY ARE, and therefore FREE OURSELVES of the threat to our self-image, since we understand that there is no CORRELATION between our self-image and any particular sarge.

In fact, our self-image should even become BRUISED when we chicken-out from approaches, because *THAT* is the real thing to be ashamed of, given that there is so little correlation between our desirability and our actual ability to pickup new random women, given the current social context of women being empowered. Having fear implies that we are STUPID, because we aren't able to make the LINK between REALITY and how it doesn't ACTUALLY correspond to our self-image in the way that we seem to NEED to delude ourselves into thinking it does (in desperate attempt to preserve our emotional well-being).

And in this RE-ASSESSMENT of our self-image, we can realize that fear of playing pickup is INSTANTLY dealt with..

We can even apply this to MANY areas of our lives, and at least make the EFFORT to recognize the MANY areas that we DELUDE ourselves, and to try to gain SELF-KNOWLEDGE that will bring us closer to equilibrium in our environments and the world that we've been thrown into.

The more that we acknowledge where we've deluded ourselves for the sole sake of preserving a FALSE self-image, the more we can IMPROVE ourselves in the REAL WORLD, and not just IN OUR HEADS.

Why do this? Because on a subconscious level we KNOW that we're lying to ourselves, and it comes through in the form of DEPRESSION.

So by aspiring and genuinely attempting to RECOGNIZE this and to gain SELF KNOWLEDGE, we begin to PURGE ourselves of this BULLSHIT, and begin to EMIT AN AURA that people will want to be around.

Notice how some people just rub you the wrong way, but you can't explain why? Notice there are some guys that EVERYONE just wants to be around?

THESE GUYS are the ones who have come closer to this equilibrium with the REAL WORLD and the one that they perceive in THEIR MINDS.

And these kind of guys have potential to be AMAZING PUAs, because they have ultimate state-control.

They are ultimately comfortable with THEMSELVES, and it comes through with women.

So yeah, all that stuff.

Tyler Durden

P.S. SIDENOTE:

This is just like in CLUBS.

Go into a club, and its so DISORIENTING. Music, people, dance, drinks.

But go into that SAME club during the daytime, and then right as they turn on the music and lights, and it looks STUPID. It's just the ILLUSION that fucks us up.

So when you're in a club, try to be like Neo in "The Matrix", and see the club as nothing more than a ROOM with annoyingly loud music and annoying lights and people acting stupid and silly. Then the intimidation factor of clubs GOES AWAY.

[Ian Smith]

Building an Identity

by Mystery

I read an article recently by my good buddy Thundercat that said:

"But what Mystery does, though teachable, is very much a style tailored to Mystery. He is successful at what he does because no one else can really imitate him. That's what makes Tyler so amazing to observe. Tyler does the same things as Mystery, but WITHOUT the magic tricks. Yet he is still able to create IMMENSE value for himself. How does he do this? Well, from what I've gathered, his method is more relatable to normal guys like me, because anyone with the proper skill set can use Tyler's methods to create value for themselves."

Thundercat's misunderstanding between a person's customized style and the game plan or method he uses to systematically convey his unique personality concerns me. This is because only a few days ago did we share a 3:00am meal at a diner after our visit to an exotic dance club together.

During our meal Thundercat himself admitted that he doesn't possess a strong identity as I do. I will attempt to resolve his misunderstanding between STYLE and METHOD as well as reveal some insights on how to specifically customize material to convey a unique identity (for both you and my friend Thundercat). Once you customize your material to fit your chosen "strong identity" will you no doubt make others who watch you work wrongfully assume it is your particular identity that gets you the girls and not the method that powers the conveying of it.

As those who have taken a Mystery Method seminar know, MM consists of three main areas:

PART 1. A format (or game plan) which has 3 stages, each with 3 phases.
PART 2. Mental tools to get you from phase to phase (isolation tactics, kiss tactics, extraction tactics, etc).
PART 3. Scripts and personality conveying material (content) to fill in each of the 9 phases.

While parts 1 and 2 (the MM format and it's tactics) don't change from person to person, part 3 (personality conveying material) does. We each possess a unique identity. You are not me. I am a magician. My wing Style is a writer. Tyler D. is a public speaker. Does this mean you have to be a magician, a writer, or a public speaker in order to attract women? Of course not! But what you DO need is what Style, Tyler D. and I share in common: we each possess a strong identity. Style, Tyler D. and I have each customized our material to convey our strong and unique personalities. That is, in fact, the PURPOSE of personality conveying material. It certainly would be counter-productive to convey that you are a magician if you aren't one. Nor a writer or public speaker for that matter.

Tyler D. and Style use the same game plan or method that I do. How do I know? Because we adapted my original (and now out-of-date) FMAC method into a powerful algorithm together (M3). Both are former students of mine, turned teachers. And yes they have both taught me as much about the game as I have them since we began. (Style lives in the same house as I, and Tyler D. is here too, visiting.) While we all use the same method, we have customized the material so that we each have a different style. In fact, Tyler D.'s style is still evolving. His identity has, for a long time, been one with few attractive qualities: a student. This may be the reason why Thundercat, in misunderstanding the difference between method and style, has concluded that Tyler D.'s material is more applicable to "normal guys" than mine. What this reveals please me: The identity I have chosen is strong enough to confuse even a close friend.

What Style, Tyler D. and I do when we teach others the game is give examples of field-tested personality conveying routines to students. Should our students stick to this STOCK material forever? No way! What they should do is identify who they are and swap out our stock examples for customized stories from their real life as soon as possible. The reason they are given examples is so that they can appreciate what constitutes a good personality conveying routine. Some amazing routines are thankfully generic enough to share ("The Cube" routine for instance), while others must by their very nature be unique to each person.

Like mine, some of Thundercat's material should possess a common theme. He will use this material to draw his target into his world (and not into Mystery's world or Tyler D.'s world). Thundercat's material must specifically suit his identity. Each person who uses MM will ultimately swap out the stock routines we teach them and use original material over time.

I am now revealing this idea outside of my private lounge for the first time here:

GROUNDING: HOW TO GROUND YOUR IDENTITY TO YOUR TARGET'S REALITY WITH YOUR BACK-STORY

I'm sure you've found yourself in a set and have reached the point where your target says, "What do you do?" You either give her your honest but lame answer like, "I'm a student", or "I'm a system's administrator", or worse, you try to circumvent the question entirely with "I'm an ass model."

The problem is you don't have an attractive identity, or if you do, it's not a strong one. Some guys will experiment with "I'm a rockstar", or "I'm a promoter", or "I'm a public speaker", but your target will either feel you are lying (in the same way we believe an "actress" is likely a "waitress"), or if they DO believe your evidence, they become intimidated when you get weighed down by the stereotype they have of you.

If instead of answering her question "What do you do" with "I'm " you can ground your present identity to her reality and harness the opportunity to convey a much richer personality. Here's how you do it.

Instead say:

1. "Well when I was little I wanted to be a ."
2. "When I was a teenager happened." Tell stories about how you got from 1 to 3.
3. "Now I'm . Can you believe it?"

Here is the applied format that I used to ground my identity to a recent HB9's reality. It helped to attract her and build enough comfort to get her back to my place. (Not the exotic dancer but another girl.)

1. What do I do? When I was young I wanted to be a magician.
2. Tell story of my first birthday party magic show and how the money was used to see a Copperfield show. (5 minute story.)
2.1 Tell story of how my biggest audience scared the shit out of me and how I went up and kicked ass. I really get into the fear of it all. (3 minute story.)
2.2 Talk about my first real TV experience. (2 minute story.)
2.3 Tell her about moving to Hollywood and why. This is a "vulnerability routine" in C&T stage. (3 minute story.)
3.0 Tell her what is now on my plate - my WTF? underground internet show, my TV reality show interest, the book I'm writing, and my seminars on various topics such as social dynamics and wealth building. (5 minutes of stories.)
3.1 Tell her what I am planning on doing next - illusion show concepts, publicity stunts, etc. (5 minutes of stories.)

[Ian Smith]

That was at least 23 minutes of story-telling and I was holding this beautiful girl long before I performed any magic. The reason magic works for me of course is because I'm a magician. As Thundercat noted in his article, "Tyler does the same things as Mystery, but WITHOUT the magic tricks. Yet he is still able to create IMMENSE value for himself." This is, to me, compelling evidence to support that you do not need to use my style or do magic in any way to use MM. Tyler D. performs no magic what-so-ever yet can still, by sticking to the method and running his unique personality conveying material, attract women like moths to a flame. Just don't go running around telling women you conduct workshops on social dynamics if you don't. Learn more about my good buddy Tyler D. at www.realsocialdynamics.com. His close friend and business partner Papa lives in my house.

If I just come in and say "I'm a magician", my target really wouldn't feel that we share commonalities or lifestyle. She would have to rely on stereotyping. I would also not appear very humble. She would feel that I'm too different for her and I would otherwise over-qualify myself. Some women it seems would actually reject a date with George Clooney because they don't understand his lifestyle - they feel they lack commonality and this lack creates discomfort. But what if he gave her his back-story and taught her what happened, step-by-step, to him to become who he is today? This is the concept of GROUNDING applied.

By giving my target my back-story, I ground myself to her reality ("When I was as a regular Joe") so that she could see how she too could be the type of person I now am ("This is who I am today") if only she were to make similar decisions along the way. You can even later use this format to encourage your target to ground HER life to YOU during the F2M attract phase by having her stick to the format. Simply ask, "Woah. Back up. So what happened next?"

Notice in my list of grounding stories above that the common theme is "This is what lead me to become who I am today." Thundercat too must do this - once he decides what his identity in fact IS. Does this mean he must steal my identity to do MM? No. He won't be telling stories of his first birthday party magic show. That would be a lie. He won't talk about how he learned the secret to a card trick by beating it out of a classmate of his, or how years later that classmate saw him on TV and said, "I can't believe your future changed that day." No, he won't use my specific material. Nor will you. But both you and Thundercat will use material from your own real life experiences as I do. The format or game plan is the Mystery Method. The personalized MATERIAL you use to fill in the format is what constitutes your style.

If Tyler D. for instance says "I'm a public speaker", what does that mean to his target? She can only go by an accepted stereotype and unless she herself is a public speaker (commonality) he needs to explain how he became one. He must explain that if she did the same things he did, she too would be a public speaker. If he were to say, "I travel the world giving lectures on social dynamics", he would likely over-qualify himself. If he instead said, "Well, when I was in school I went to this seminar" and "I started to help the lecturer for shits and giggles" and then "I taught a little bit at the seminars", he would be grounding his reality to hers. He could then continue with "I started traveling with them for fun during the summer" and then "I put together my own seminar and conducted it for the first time with the help of my friend Papa. It was exciting and I was nervous", and on and on all the way to "Now I travel the world, people look up to me and I make mad cash ... can you believe it? I never would have thought I could do it if you said I'd be doing this 10 yrs ago", he would be grounding his reality to hers using my grounding method and his own original back-story material.

Now, how does one answer the deep question, "Who am I?" A friend of mine told me, "You are what you repeatedly do."

I do magic on a regular basis. I perform it almost every day, whether for a beautiful woman or any other other person. Style writes almost every day (and gets paid for it, making him a full-time professional). Tyler D. mostly focuses on conducting seminars and workshops. What do YOU do on a regular basis? Besides being a social butterfly that is. Remember, the pick-up arts exists to enrich your life, not define it. What stories do you already possess that convey who you have become today?

GROUNDING REALITY is far reaching. It will change the way you M2F attract, F2M attract, and build COMFORT but will not alter their basic structure. It will also change the way you choose and structure routines, sequence them (which routines you will use and when), and convey to your target the way you handle challenges in your life.

So this is what you must now do to improve your game:

1. Figure out who YOU are by looking at what you DO repeatedly - something you can say in a word or two. (ex: magician, writer, toy inventor, CEO, hacker, rock climber, rapper, public speaker, traveler)

2. Come up with several stories that convey how you got from being a normal kid to doing what you repeatedly do.

3. Practice telling these stories to others to make the stories enthusiastic and natural.

Mystery

[Sean]

GROUNDING: HOW TO GROUND YOUR IDENTITY TO YOUR TARGET'S REALITY WITH YOUR BACK-STORY

by Mystery

I'm sure you've found yourself in a set and have reached the point where your target says, "What do you do?" You either give her your honest but lame answer like, "I'm a student", or "I'm a system's administrator", or worse, you try to circumvent the question entirely with "I'm an ass model."
The problem is you don't have an attractive identity, or if you do, it's not a strong one. Some guys will experiment with "I'm a rockstar", or "I'm a promoter", or "I'm a public speaker", but your target will either feel you are lying (in the same way we believe an "actress" is likely a "waitress"), or if they DO believe your evidence, they become intimidated when you get weighed down by the stereotype they have of you.

If instead of answering her question "What do you do" with "I'm " you can ground your present identity to her reality and harness the opportunity to convey a much richer personality. Here's how you do it.

Instead say:
1. "Well when I was little I wanted to be a ."
2. "When I was a teenager happened." Tell stories about how you got from 1 to 3.
3. "Now I'm . Can you believe it?"
Here is the applied format that I used to ground my identity to a recent HB9's reality. It helped to attract her and build enough comfort to get her back to my place. (Not the exotic dancer but another girl.)
1. What do I do? When I was young I wanted to be a magician.
2. Tell story of my first birthday party magic show and how the money was used to see a Copperfield show. (5 minute story.)
2.1 Tell story of how my biggest audience scared the shit out of me and how I went up and kicked ass. I really get into the fear of it all. (3 minute story.)
2.2 Talk about my first real TV experience. (2 minute story.)
2.3 Tell her about moving to Hollywood and why. This is a "vulnerability routine" in C&T stage. (3 minute story.)
3.0 Tell her what is now on my plate - my WTF? underground internet show, my TV reality show interest, the book I'm writing, and my seminars on various topics such as social dynamics and wealth building. (5 minutes of stories.)
3.1 Tell her what I am planning on doing next - illusion show concepts, publicity stunts, etc. (5 minutes of stories.)

That was at least 23 minutes of story-telling and I was holding this beautiful girl long before I performed any magic. The reason magic works for me of course is because I'm a magician. As Thundercat noted in his article, "Tyler does the same things as Mystery, but WITHOUT the magic tricks. Yet he is still able to create IMMENSE value for himself." This is, to me, compelling evidence to support that you do not need to use my style or do magic in any way to use MM. Tyler D. performs no magic what-so-ever yet can still, by sticking to the method and running his unique personality conveying material, attract women like moths to a flame. Just don't go running around telling women you conduct workshops on social dynamics if you don't.
If I just come in and say "I'm a magician", my target really wouldn't feel that we share commonalities or lifestyle. She would have to rely on stereotyping. I would also not appear very humble. She would feel that I'm too different for her and I would otherwise over-qualify myself. Some women it seems would actually reject a date with George Clooney because they don't understand his lifestyle - they feel they lack commonality and this lack creates discomfort. But what if he gave her his back-story and taught her what happened, step-by-step, to him to become who he is today? This is the concept of GROUNDING applied.

By giving my target my back-story, I ground myself to her reality ("When I was as a regular Joe") so that she could see how she too could be the type of person I now am ("This is who I am today") if only she were to make similar decisions along the way. You can even later use this format to encourage your target to ground HER life to YOU during the F2M attract phase by having her stick to the format. Simply ask, "Woah. Back up. So what happened next?"

Notice in my list of grounding stories above that the common theme is "This is what lead me to become who I am today." Thundercat too must do this - once he decides what his identity in fact IS. Does this mean he must steal my identity to do MM? No. He won't be telling stories of his first birthday party magic show. That would be a lie. He won't talk about how he learned the secret to a card trick by beating it out of a classmate of his, or how years later that classmate saw him on TV and said, "I can't believe your future changed that day." No, he won't use my specific material. Nor will you. But both you and Thundercat will use material from your own real life experiences as I do. The format or game plan is the Mystery Method. The personalized MATERIAL you use to fill in the format is what constitutes your style.

If Tyler D. for instance says "I'm a public speaker", what does that mean to his target? She can only go by an accepted stereotype and unless she herself is a public speaker (commonality) he needs to explain how he became one. He must explain that if she did the same things he did, she too would be a public speaker. If he were to say, "I travel the world giving lectures on social dynamics", he would likely over-qualify himself. If he instead said, "Well, when I was in school I went to this seminar" and "I started to help the lecturer for shits and giggles" and then "I taught a little bit at the seminars", he would be grounding his reality to hers. He could then continue with "I started traveling with them for fun during the summer" and then "I put together my own seminar and conducted it for the first time with the help of my friend Papa. It was exciting and I was nervous", and on and on all the way to "Now I travel the world, people look up to me and I make mad cash ... can you believe it? I never would have thought I could do it if you said I'd be doing this 10 yrs ago", he would be grounding his reality to hers using my grounding method and his own original back-story material.

Now, how does one answer the deep question, "Who am I?" A friend of mine told me, "You are what you repeatedly do."
I do magic on a regular basis. I perform it almost every day, whether for a beautiful woman or any other other person. Style writes almost every day (and gets paid for it, making him a full-time professional). Tyler D. mostly focuses on conducting seminars and workshops. What do YOU do on a regular basis? Besides being a social butterfly that is. Remember, the pick-up arts exists to enrich your life, not define it. What stories do you already possess that convey who you have become today?

GROUNDING REALITY is far reaching. It will change the way you M2F attract, F2M attract, and build COMFORT but will not alter their basic structure. It will also change the way you choose and structure routines, sequence them (which routines you will use and when), and convey to your target the way you handle challenges in your life.

So this is what you must now do to improve your game:

1. Figure out who YOU are by looking at what you DO repeatedly - something you can say in a word or two. (ex: magician, writer, toy inventor, CEO, hacker, rock climber, rapper, public speaker, traveler)
2. Come up with several stories that convey how you got from being a normal kid to doing what you repeatedly do.
3. Practice telling these stories to others to make the stories enthusiastic and natural.

Mystery

[Sean]

Get Your Priorities Straight ...Today

by Badboy

I see lots of guys in the Seduction Community make the same mistake over and over, regarding where their priorities are... Namely, letting pickup take over their life. Guys spend all their time reading forums, downloading more and more material, studying every guru's philosophy and eventually it becomes their whole life. Guys start to look at the world as one big sarge and lose the ability to act like a normal person with friends and other priorities in their life. This is why so many guys you meet in the community are fucking weird. There are plenty of great guys in it, but also a lot of weirdos. Make an effort to be a normal person before being a mPUA... You'll be happier.

Pickup should be just one of the hobbies you have. Don't spend more than 2-3 days a week on it and don't spend all your free time trolling the internet for more info... Learn what you need to to so that you are getting results but then just go out and have fun, go to the gym, do some reading, play sports, learn something new... Girls love guys with a genuinely good lifestyle which is why guys who obsess over only pickup are actually hurting their chances with girls. What they are doing is putting women and their need for validation above all other things and the gaping void that forms in their life because of this will be subcommunicated eventually and drive girls away. This is a horrible dynamic to create in your life. Sitting in front of a computer, reading forums and spending hours worrying about what opener to use is the worst lifestyle you can have. Your pursuit of women should be a small facet of your overall well developed lifestyle; not vice-versa.

Go out and make some friends. Real friends. Not just community guys. It's stupid if all the people you hang out with are community guys. If you do so, you are limiting yourself from all that life has to offer

Starting out, of course take a workshop to get you on the level where you can continue to progress by yourself, then take community guys(wings), and train with them during the 2-3 days a week you dedicate to gaming. Other than that, make sure you have a balanced, interesting, fulfilling life and you will get much better results than if you spend 20 hours a week “studying” pickup.

Start doing this today.

Enjoy,

BadBoy

[Sean]

Confidence and Leadership

by Badboy

We all know how important INNER GAME is, but have you ever stopped to ask yourself what Inner Game actually is? Is it simply when I memorized material very well or maybe when I perfected the delivery of my voice?
Actually, Inner Game is based on confidence, beliefs, and your overall attitude about life. Whether you realize it or not, your attitude is constantly projected to the women you talk to. If you have a strong, assertive, and positive attitude, women will naturally be attracted to you. That's how most naturals get laid. They develop these three aspects of their identity: confidence, beliefs, and attitude. When this happens, they begin to feel more confident and they start to behave like they're the prize, which is exactly what attracts women.

I enjoy analyzing these ideas, and I recently found something crazy below the surface. People in general love leaders, especially women. Leaders are naturally attractive because they radiate confidence and not easily concerned with outside criticism. They know exactly what they want and focus their energies on achieving their goal. I am willing to teach you how to become a leader, how to make people follow you and even respect you.

These steps are essential to leading a successful life.

I am 25 years old, but what I have lived through, you cannot even imagine. I believe I've learned a lot in these 25 years--possibly more wisdom than the average joe aquires in his entire lifetime.

The first observation is that charisma does not exist. People do not know how to describe something that is intangible, so they say this person has "charisma", or "this guy is a charismatic person". If you take the time to observe charismatic people, you see that they actually have one big quality in common. They have a frame (or point of view) so strong that people are sucked into their reality. Everything they do reflects an ultra-strong frame that exists inside their individual reality. They tend to have a lot of rules that you must follow when you are around them. They treat themselves with integrity and they absolutely will not tolerate disrespect; in fact they punish it.

You can apply these characteristics to your own life. They are actually core lessons for living succesfully on this planet. Let's take respect for example: How do you ensure that the people around you show respect for you and your work? First start to respect yourself and your work too. When you start to respect yourself completely, other people will respect you as well. If you don't respect yourself, why in the world would anyone else respect you? If you treat yourself like shit, trust me, other people will do the same because you are sending a strong signal to the world that shit is just what you are.
Next, what you must accomplish is to develop a set of unwavering rules in your life that define what people can and cannot do around you or to you. You must punish any negative behavior that impedes upon your integrity. Tell them you disaprove, and make it crystal clear that they cannot behave like that if they want to be in your company. Kick their asses for it. Make them know they did something that you do not respect. If people treat you like shit and you let them get away with it, they will do it again and again. Other people see this, and learn to disrepect you also. Make personal boundaries for yourself, and make it clear to the people around you that these boundaries must be respected. Humans are social pack animals, meaning they will accept the strongest frame presented to them.

For example, if my girlfriend flakes on me, of course I will be pissed off, but I will show her that I am angry and will calmly state that it will not happen again. For everything that she does that I do not like, I tell her she can do it only 3 times: the first time, the last time and never again! My rules are strict. People will enjoy the time they spend with me. In return I will do everything I can for their happiness. I will teach them and have fun with them, but there are some rules you must follow, otherwise you won't see me ever again.
I make options for myself, so that you are not my only choice and I can go out with someone else if I choose. For now, even if you don't have other options, make it look like you do. Behave like you do. I am going to do everything for my girls. I love them and will treat them like a queen, but only as long as I think they deserve it. It is funny to see how, when women don't get what they want, they call me a jerk. They make not like my rules, but they will respect me if I stick to them.

Take a look at the police. They have strict rules. Break them and you'll get punished, and trust me, you won't make the same mistake again in your life. I want you to do the same in your own life. Let people around you know what is allowed and what is not. Otherwise nobody is going to respect you. It is funny, but people will test you from time to time to see if you are still congruent with your frame. That is why I say that "shit tests" are not problematic. As long as you are congruent with your frame, shit tests are a non-issue. Women will challenge you all the time when you are seducing them. That's just normal behavior.

My best friend has this cute little dog. The pet knows that it is not allowed to sleep on the sofa because he got his ass kicked a few times, and still months later he comes near the sofa with his cute little look. He glances at the sofa, then his owner, the sofa, the owner, just waiting for a reaction. He might even put one leg close to the sofa, the whole time looking at his owner. What the dog is actually doing is testing his owner to see if he is still congruent with his rule about sleeping on the sofa. Is he going to allow him to jump on the sofa or is he going to yell at him? The dog is not giving his owner shit, just making sure he is still congruent. Children will test you in the same way. Every couple of days, or even hours, they will challenge you to see if the rules have weakened or changed. You can observe this behavior everywhere in nature.

Now, let's get back to charismatic people. It's funny, but the more rules charismatic people have, and the more they punish those who break their rules, the more charismatic they appear. A negative examples would be Hitler, while positive examples like Christ, Gandhi, the Dalai Lama and Martin Luther King. Being assertive does not make you good or evil. It gives you power, and you choose how to use it.

These leaders issue commands and demand unquestioning loyalty. Challenging their ideas is strongly condemned and often leads to some type of emotional or physical punishment. With women, you give them pleasure and show them a really nice time when they are with you, but you must also remember to punish any negative behavior or disrespect from her.
So the first step toward developing confidence, belief, and attitude is to start respecting yourself! If you have ever gone out with me, you will notice something really unusual: as soon as I go into a set, I am not sucked into their frame. I do not live in their world. You will see that they live in my world. How do you see this? When I approach a set or any group of people, I don't position myself so the whole group can hear me. I don't try to yell so the whole group can hear me. First, I position myself in the most comfortable position, where I feel the most relaxed. Then I reorganize the other people around me in a way I like. For example, I approach them, have them open up to me, sit down, and use the space around me to make myself comfortable. Then, I might position the extra people to talk to each other, while the target is left to talk to me. This behavior is not something I modelled or learned, but it's been a part of my personality for a long time.

I really can't stand people who have a weak frame. For example, I hate to see guys fall into a situation like this: A guy sits in a chair, maybe one that is totally uncomfortable like the letter S, and he stays there for hours pretending he is relaxed without saying a word about it. He would rather sit there no matter what because the chair is more important than who he is. It is more important than his health or his body... sad. Why the fuck should I be in some uncomfortable position when I talk with some average frustrated woman. What the fuck is she for me?

You will always see me in the most comfortable position you can imagine, while I am in a set or anywhere in life. Why? For a few reasons: You can't be nervous when you are in a relaxed position. You must feel cool. People will see you as a socially cool guy. More importantly, your voice is going to be deeper and more relaxed, so that people will start to lean in to hear you. If you drop your voice down when they can't hear you, they will start to lean in and pay more attention to your lips in order to understand what you are saying. Looking at someone's lips for ten minutes is really sexual.

Badboy

[A New Me]

Radical Honesty

By Brad Bollenbach

"Honesty is the first chapter of the book of wisdom"

– Thomas Jefferson

Deception is cancerous. The first mutation of a truth charts a path to colonize its host. One fib demands another, two lies need the proof of two more, until eventually even the most innocent half-truth metastasizes into a falsehood requiring surgery.

A lie is a deliberate attempt to fake the nature of reality. So a scientist who reaches a flawed conclusion through an error in her experimentation method may hint at incompetence, but she is not lying. But a guy who trades his own happiness for a fat paycheque and calls himself “successful”, must be charged with first-degree bullshit. His deception may succeed temporarily but he has not altered the facts, and the moral transaction is still charged to his account.

Why is faking the nature of reality bad? Because reality exists. No matter how hard you try to treat things differently than they really are, they still are. A job that drains your will to live is a job that drains your will to live. A girl who doesn’t respect you, doesn’t respect you.

When the disconnect with reality comes from a genuine error, the mistake is open to correction. The evidence of a fallacy shows up in the form of contradiction, and logic and reason can help stitch things back together. But intentional deceit makes the perpetrator a fugitive; sometimes physically, always intellectually. For whenever a liar’s evidence contradicts itself, he must flee further and further from the facts to maintain his sliding grip on sincerity.

The safe haven from the perils of denying what is, is radical honesty. To commit to radical honesty is to take an oath sworn directly on the face of existence. It’s a pledge–in your work, in your relationships, and to yourself–to see things exactly as they are, to the best of your ability. It acknowledges that almost all things are small things and that nothing is bigger than the truth.

Radical Honesty at Work

Few relationships will last longer, or have a larger effect on your day-to-day life, than the relationship between you and the value-producing activity that is your work. Applying radical honesty in your work means creating things that are of value to you personally.

Can each of us really do work that is of value to us personally? On what planet would we ever find someone to specialize in the manufacture of, say, toilet paper? Someone who would claim that such work is of value to him personally? You’d find that guy on the planet where ass-wiping technology doesn’t yet exist, where there’s a guy who’s sick of using his bare hands for the task, and where he is the only man alive annoyed enough to scratch this particular itch himself.

The things that are of value to you personally are entirely dependent on your environment and how you relate to it. For example, I couldn’t care less about growing my own food. There are lots of lots of people–”farmers” as they’re called–who already do this. And they’re willing, with the aid of an elaborate supply chain, to take my money in exchange for their food. If I didn’t have access to anyone who was willing to grow food, maintain livestock, and sell me either when I needed them, then I’d pretty quickly become interested in this problem. I value my own life and I need food to live.

What most frustrates you about the world? Almost every answer to that question is a business idea with your name written all over it. And when the work you do pays the bills both financially and spiritually, you have truly become your own boss.

Radical Honesty in Relationships

There’s a strong tie between your work and your relationships. Asking “What most frustrates you about the world?” is not only a means of identifying opportunities to create value in your life, it’s also a compass that directs you towards the people that will help make those dreams come true.

Radical honesty in relationships–whether platonic or intimate–requires self-respect. Self-respect is a seed planted by the standards you set: How do you treat people? How do you let them treat you?

Purpose is also paramount. In geek terms, your mission is like an Uninterruptible Power Supply, a primary source of energy and the motive power behind all the moving parts of your life. The relationships worth having are those with a voltage high enough to match your own, not those that cause a power failure.

Maintaining integrity in relationships means addressing problems that come up in real-time. Emotions are not chess pieces, and love is not a game of strategy. If you sense that something might be wrong, seek to identify and resolve the issue on the spot. If you’re constantly met with responses like the Solemn Downward Stare, followed by the Evening of Awkward Silence, and the Night Without Sex, then be warned: the game you’re playing isn’t worth winning.

Radical Self-Honesty

The hardest person to be honest with is yourself. Really, the only person you can be honest with is you. All delusion is ultimately self-delusion.

Radical self-honesty requires a matching dose of humility. Whatever score you give yourself in any category is almost surely inflated. If the currency by which we measure others is pounds, the currency by which we measure ourselves is yen. Some of these feelings of superior knowledge, skill, or judgement are no doubt justified. But many, if not most of them, aren’t. The moment you become conscious of this, your self-awareness expands. You begin to ask yourself more honest questions and give yourself more honest answers.

I find journalling to be an effective way to keep myself honest. I reach for my journal whenever I feel there’s an idea or milestone–good or bad–worth documenting. For example, I’ve got an overwhelming appetite for change. So when several months ago I started getting bored with my day-to-day routine, I made a journal entry about it. I even made a list of specific adjustments I wanted to make to shake things up. Looking at that list now, I’ve installed about 60% of those tweaks so far with more currently in progress.

How Honest Is Too Honest?

In the honesty business, there’s a fine line between radical and reckless.

Reckless honesty is the result of pushing the authenticity envelope so far that you shoot yourself in the foot. Radical honesty is having the balls to walk up to a girl and say “Hi” because you think she’s attractive and you want to find out more. Reckless honesty is walking up to the same girl and saying “Wow, you are absolutely gorgeous. There’s nothing I’d like to do more right now than to take you into the nearest bathroom, rip all your clothes off, and fuck you to God.”

Both approaches are, technically speaking, completely authentic. But one is obviously somewhat more productive. The border between radical and reckless must be patrolled by your intuition. Sometimes that line is obvious (like in the example above), but sometimes it’s not. As a general rule, accuracy is more important than precision.

If you have a habit of stopping short of saying what you really think, turning things around will take time. But there is no challenge more worth tackling. Authenticity accrues a compound interest, and even a few extra cents of veracity today could become a large down payment on your happiness tomorrow.

I THINK IT'S VERY SIMILAR TO WHAT IS TALKED ABOUT IN THE BLOGS. SO I THOUGHT I'D SHARE IT WITH YOU

http://30sleeps.com/blog/2008/07/21/radical-honesty/

[Daniel Becerra]

Great article Matt!!

[evil_monkey]

There's a lot of great info in this post. That "confidence and leadership" article by badboy describes me to a T.

[daredevil15]

i like these articles they are great